Sirius and Tiger Lily
by Annika-S
Summary: A partner story to As Lovers Go, this story is about Sirius and Lily, how Lily got her nickname, and love. SBLE but always JPLE. Don't worry! It's a happy story! COMPLETE
1. Setting the Scene

**Sirius and Tiger Lily**

By: C.Q.

_A/N: First I want to thank my very first reviewers for their great feedback! I was all excited about seeing my reviews and I wasn't disappointed. Here is another song-fic that is a partner story to As Lovers Go. The actual song shows up in the last chapter but it'll be there (I'm obsessed with music and like to put it as background to my stories.) This is partly a SB/LE story but you know that in the end it will always be JP/LE forever. (Well, it implies James and Lily getting together in the future because this story takes place before As Lovers Go.) But don't worry! There are no scars left in my stories (if I can help it) so this story should leave only happy feelings._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter because if I did I wouldn't have a problem paying my way through college and I would have an actual car. Oh well. _

**Chapter One: Setting the Scene**

He wasn't quite sure when this had happened except that he was not expecting it at all. Sirius Black was the newly formed Player of Hogwarts and could get any girl he wanted. He usually preferred them blonde, big breasted, and stupid. So his current problem was, indeed, unexpected especially considering who exactly Sirius Black was infatuated with.

A month ago in June, the summer before their sixth year, Sirius ran into Lily Evans in Diagon Alley. He had gone to check out the latest broomstick at Quality Quidditch and had bumped into her on his way out.

Truth be told, Sirius didn't hate Lily. You could hardly tell by the way he teased her, annoyed her, and tried to hit her with bludgers when she was unsuspecting at Quidditch practice. No, he didn't hate her. They were partners, after all, seeing as they were both beaters on Gryffindor's Quidditch team. And Sirius respected her, not only for her fierceness and talent on the Quidditch field, but also for her passion and courage when dealing with the Marauders.

Yes, Sirius respected Lily Evans.

But there was no way he would ever show it or let her know.

So a month ago he had ran, literally, into Lily coming out of Quality Quidditch knocking all of her bags out of her hands and practically sprawling on top of her after completely loosing his footing in the crowd.

"Oh sorr-Evans! Aren't you a sight for sore eyes!" Sirius exclaimed with his charming smile and a hand held out for her to take.

"Black! Can't you even stay out of my hair _away_ from Hogwarts?" Lily sighed, exasperation in her voice but not quite concealing her exhaustion as Sirius helped her up.

"Evans, maybe you should get someone to help you with all those bags. I mean, if you're going to go buy some Quidditch stuff then maybe you should have a couple extra hands. You can't even carry all _this_ without dropping them!" gesturing to all five bags lying on the cobbled stones while irritated people dodged them.

Lily rolled her eyes and said, "I'd like to point out that I was doing quite fine until you ran into me." She bent down to pick up her bags and Sirius, ever the gentleman, assisted her.

"You don't have to help me," Lily grumbled moodily.

Again, Sirius flashed her a smile and said, "On the contrary. I do feel that I am also obliged to escort you through Diagon Alley as there is no one else with you to do so and I have been longing for the company of a beautiful lady, such as yourself."

Lily groaned tiredly and finally relented to Sirius' company.

Since then, a month ago in Diagon Alley, Sirius and Lily had met up at the pub to have a butterbeer and chat almost everyday but only for the reasons of getting out of their respective homes and having company. Lily hated spending time with her sister who was home from college for the summer and Sirius was loathed to even step foot in his house. James, Remus, and Peter went with their parents on vacation and would be back a little into August so Sirius was stuck at home alone, with nothing to do except be terrorized by his family. Sure, James had offered Sirius to come with them but Sirius was beginning to feel like an intrusion no matter how many times James insisted he wasn't.

So Lily and Sirius spent July talking about Quidditch, school, family, and friends. Sirius tried, and always bluntly, to tell Lily what a great guy James was and she actually seemed to listen to some of it. He was absolutely sure that she was starting to fall in love with James despite herself and he couldn't wait until school started again to test his theory.

But while making friends with Lily would be good for James' relationship with her, Sirius was also finding out what a lovely person she could be.

She would light up the room with her smile and she could stop Sirius' heartbeat with her laugh. Lily's sense of humor was rather dry but quite endearing at times and Sirius had finally met someone he could have a heated discussion with. They talked politics and Quidditch and always respected each others views. And despite Sirius' efforts, he found himself quite infatuated with the beautiful red head with the emerald eyes.

TBC…


	2. Kissing My Best Friend's Girl

**Chapter Two: Kissing My Best Friend's Girl**

"Evans' residence, Lily Evans speaking."

The telephone wasn't a new thing to Sirius. Remus had talked Sirius and James into taking Muggle Studies with him, seeing as they were all from Pure Blood families, so Sirius was very adept to using the telephone. (Prank calls, he reasoned to Remus, was a very good way to practice for class.)

But what was new to Sirius was standing on the corner of a London street, the sun beginning to set in the summer sky, and gaping like a fish at nothing in particular as he tried to get the courage to say exactly what he wanted to say.

"Hello?" Lily's voice snapped him out of his daze.

"Um, hi!" Sirius practically shouted into the mouth piece. He banged his head on the receiver and took a calming breath so he could start over. "Hi, Lily. It's Sirius."

"Oh, hi Sirius! Is everything okay?"

"Of course Miss Evans! Everything is…peachy keen!" Again, he hit his head on the receiver.

Lily giggled a little and asked, "Are you alright? You sound kind of odd."

"No! I mean…yes. I'm fine. Um, I was actually wondering if you would like to…that is if you're not busy…I mean I'm sure you have other things...tomorrow if you would like to..."

"Yes, Sirius?" Lily asked patiently, almost like a mother would to her child if he was trying to confess something difficult.

Sighing in resign to his fate, he asked softly, "Would you like to go out with me tomorrow?"

There was a pause on the other end and Sirius, for the first time in his life, thought he was going to die of shame.

He was just about to ramble on about how he was just kidding or something to save his wounded pride when she replied, "I would love to Sirius." Sirius could tell she was smiling softly by the tone of her voice.

Releasing the breath he didn't know he was holding Sirius made a date to meet Lily at her house and floo to Hogsmead where they could have dinner together and walk around the shops.

"See you tomorrow night." He said and hung up the phone.

He sat on the curb wearily and ran his fingers through his hair. Feeling excitement bubbling inside of him along with the clenching of doubt and guilt in his stomach was a feeling he wasn't accustomed to. 'Oh well.' He thought consolingly to himself. 'I'll go out with Lily, we'll have a nice time, we'll decide to be friends because we can barely stand each other anymore, and James will never know. Then everything will go back to normal.' "Oh please let everything go back to normal!"

* * *

"Lily, I feel like I can talk to you about anything so I want to get this out of the way."

Lily turned politely curious eyes toward Sirius and he thought he would die.

The evening had gone very well. He had enchanted a bunch of weeds to turn into roses, though somehow they seemed slightly off, and rang the door bell to her quaint little home in Surrey with well hidden fear. He had felt so sure of himself on his broom ride over to her home but now that he was back on the ground it seemed reality had hit him full on.

After being warmly greeted by Lily's mother and properly interrogated by her father (he was sure that Muggle fathers didn't need a wand to be scary) Lily came down the stairs wearing a short green skirt, a white collared blouse, and a green ribbon in her hair. And after stumbling over himself with compliments that didn't adequately describe the way her smile made him feel like laughing with joy and ridiculousness, they flooed to a restaurant Lily had never been to before where they enjoyed a meal by candlelight and talked about the worst dates they had ever been on (Lily had a surprising amount of them.)

So now they were walking in front of the Shrieking Shack in the twilight of the evening with the woods looming in front of them with surprising depth and calm.

And while Sirius had found this to be one of the most calming and best dates of his young life, with no expectations that his reputation usually insinuated, Sirius found he could not properly enjoy himself knowing that he was currently on a date with the girl that James Potter, his brother in everything but blood, loved and admired more than himself.

"Lil, I know we just recently got to know each other and I know that I've been a real jerk to you in the past but I'm really starting to like you." He was never one for subtleties.

Lily smiled and looked down at the ground with shy eyes as she reached out to hold Sirius' hand.

"I like you too, Sirius."

Sirius grinned brilliantly at her but then looked away and wondered how to come out and say what he wanted to say. 'Well, I should just try the way I know best. Bluntness.' "Lily, I don't know if I can go out with you because of James."

She stopped walking and let go of his hand, furrowing her brow while her eyes got an angry gleam in them. "What does James have to do with this?" Then her eyes got a look of furious comprehension as she practically snarled, "Did he put you up to this!"

Sirius' eyes widened and exclaimed, "No! Of course not! I went out with you because I really wanted to." He reached out his hands and began to rub her upper arms soothingly as she got a handle over her emotions. It seemed like she was about to cry.

Surprisingly, she stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face in his leather jacket, partly for comfort and partly to hide her distraught face.

Smiling in her hair, Sirius said, "I think I'm going to have to call you Tiger Lily because you're way too wild to be one of those wimpy ones that float on the pond all day."

She pulled away from him and laughed. "I'm sorry. You just caught me off guard." She sniffled a little and continued to walk with Sirius trailing a little behind. "What does James have to do with us going out?" She asked again, with forced calm.

Sirius sighed and shook his head. "It's just that the whole school knows that James has been after you for so long and I just know he would hate me if I told him I was going out with you."

"I thought you guys were the best of friends. Completely and totally loyal to each other and each other's happiness." She paused and looked at him. "I'd figure if he was as great a guy as you always boasts he is, then he would understand. It's not like we're getting married or anything," 'Ah Lily,' he thought, 'always the realist.' "We would just be going out to see if it works."

Sirius shook his head again. "With James, if it has anything to do with you than it's serious. (No pun intended.)" Lily grinned at him. "To James, anything with you will equal marriage because in his eyes, you're the most extraordinary woman anyone will ever meet and anyone would fall in love with you." Sirius took her hand in his and whispered, "And I'm starting to think he's right, Tiger Lily."

And so Sirius did the one thing he would have never thought of doing before the summer started. Sirius Black kissed Lily Evans in front of the Shrieking Shack with the stars twinkling above them and laughing at their foolishness.

TBC…


	3. Telling My Best Friend

**Chapter Three: Telling My Best Friend That I Kissed His Girl**

July came and went by the time Sirius decided to pull up for air. He had spent the last week dating Lily and loving every minute he spent with her. He wasn't expected to be cool Sirius Black or funny Sirius Black. He wasn't expected to be anything at all except himself. This was something he had only had with his closest friends and _never_ a girl.

The only time he thought about James was at night when he had time to dwell on his best friend. He missed him terribly but did not relish the overwhelming guilt he knew he would experience after being reunited with him. And it was August. They would be back any day now.

The Marauders weren't really big on correspondence unless it was absolutely necessary. Being the lazy boys that they were, they simply preferred talking rather than actually going through the trouble of writing down their thoughts to each other. (Except for Remus but the rest of the boys had a bad influence on him) The Marauders believed that written correspondence should be saved for when it was absolutely necessary and there was nothing better to do, like during class; more specifically, during History of Magic. So it was safe to say that none of the Marauders knew about Sirius' friendship or courtship of Lily Evans. It would be up to him to tell them in person. He wasn't very thrilled.

* * *

He rang the doorbell to Peter's home in the country where he lived with his mother. His father died when he was very young and his mother worked a full time job so the boys would have the house to themselves most of the time. 

'I hope James isn't here yet,' Sirius thought nervously. 'I really want to talk to Moony first.' He had just completed this last thought when none other than James Potter opened the door with twinkling eyes behind his wire-rimmed glasses and a huge, silly smile on his face.

"Padfoot!" Sirius had just enough time to wince as James wrapped him in a big hug around his waist and twirled him around like he was a doll.

Peter and Remus ran into the room, the former with chocolate on his mouth and the latter with a happy grin on his, watching James set a dizzy Sirius back down on the ground and ruffle his hair.

"I thought _I_ was supposed to be the hyper one," Sirius grumbled while straightening his hair.

"I think we gave him too many brownies." Remus said with an eyebrow lifted and a weary look on his face.

"Hello Moony!" Sirius copied James' actions and twirled Remus around the room (he was having an easier time with it seeing as Remus was rather light) and James laughed, closing the door behind him.

"Sirius! Padfoot put me down!" Obeying the disgruntled commands of his werewolf friend, he tossed Remus on the couch and turned his eyes on Peter.

"Wormy!"

Peter held up his hands defensively but seeing that Sirius wasn't going to back down, he ran behind James and wailed, "I get motion sickness! Help me Prongs!"

James laughed again and said, "Guess what, Sirius! Peter has a television and some movies we can watch! Doesn't that sound fun?"

Sirius' eyes widened and he smiled brightly. "Yay! Fellytission!"

Remus slapped his hand against his forehead and groaned. "It's amazing I'm even still sane."

* * *

The boys would be staying the weekend. 

Sirius arrived on Friday and they spent the entire night watching The Wizard of Oz at Sirius' insistence until they had the whole movie memorized, dialogue _and_ lyrics.

It was three in the morning when they finally turned the "fellytission" off and went to sleep after watching the movie six times.

"That should be a bloody record," Remus mumbled as his head hit the pillow.

"Yeah." James agreed. "Oh, by the way, that was a nice try with the remote control. I think you almost got it down his throat the second time.

Peter. Snore.

Sirius. Toilet flush.

"Thanks," Remus replied sleepily.

Sirius walked back into the room and lay down on his cot. He listened silently as James began his nightly ritual.

In a home life as utterly beautiful as James, Sirius expected no less than the traditional family stereotypes. James didn't have the perfect home by any means, but Sirius wasn't surprise when, right before goodnights in his home, James' mother and father reminded him to "say his prayers."

At ten years old, Sirius teased him to no end but found that over the years, James' nightly prayer was a comfort.

At Hogwarts, and at any other school, people were always careful about not forcing their religion on anyone. Peter surprised the boys by being an atheist. Sirius admitted to only practicing religion when he was in trouble.

Remus surprised the boys by being Catholic.

Nevertheless, James never forced the others to pray but always said his prayers out loud to which his friends would mutter an 'amen' or a 'hallelujah' where the timing was right. Sometimes Sirius would throw in an "I hear ya, reverend." But prayer was a time to send their fears and wishes to someone else so they didn't have to worry about them on their own.

"Dear Heavenly Father," this opening sometimes changed. For example, if James was having a particularly hard day, he would say, "Dear You Cynical Tyrant," or something along those lines. This would often cause Remus to make an odd sound in the back of his throat but would usually go unquestioned. "Dear Heavenly Father," James began, "I want to thank you for enabling all of us to be here together. I also would like to thank you, on behalf of my friend, Sirius, for ruby red slippers and flying monkeys."

"Amen, Reverend!" Sirius chipped in.

"I would also like to pray for a good school year, even though we haven't gone back to school yet, and for all our hopes and dreams to be granted. Particularly those that have to do with a beautiful red haired angel with green eyes."

Sirius, having totally forgotten about his previous dilemma, was rudely thrown back into reality and nervousness. He choked on his saliva and ended up falling off of his cot and sputtering on the floor.

All the boys sat up (except for Peter. Snore.) and James asked, "Are you alright, Padfoot?"

"Yeah." Sirius rasped, getting back on his cot with a final cough and clearing his throat. "Continue."

James gave him a weird look before finishing, "And I hope that Sirius, especially, finds a happy future seeing as his childhood was less than perfect."

Sirius swallowed his groan of guilt at that last thought and muttered an 'amen.'

This was either going to be a _very _long weekend or a _very _short one.

* * *

"Moony?" 

"Yes, Padfoot?"

"I have something to confess."

"Sirius, you would make a great Catholic seeing as you find confessing your sins so enlightening."

"Haha. Can you help me or what?"

"What's your confession about?"

"Betrayal."

Pause.

"Alright. I'm all ears."

"I made friends with Lily Evans over the summer in Diagon Alley."

"Well that's not bad Padfoot. I'm friends with her too."

"No, you don't get it. I made friends with her but now I'm kind of dating her."

Pause.

"Are you going to break her heart, Sirius?"

"That wouldn't be too bad. James would be her rebound."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I fell in love with her."

Pause.

"Are you sure?"

"I've never felt this way about anyone in my entire life."

Pause.

"What are you going to do?"

"Well I have to tell James, don't I? But I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"That I'll break _his_ heart."

"Oh."

"Is that all you can say!"

"Describe it."

"Describe what?"

"Your love for her."

"Um…she makes me…feel…different?"

Cough.

"Is that all?"

"No! I just can't think right now! Who are you, the Spanish Inquisition?"

"I'm just trying to help."

Sigh.

"I know."

Pause.

"I'm going to tell him, Moony."

"Okay."

"Will you be there with me."

"Sure."

"Hey, Moony?"

"Yes Sirius?"

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

* * *

He punched him! 

In the nose!

On his perfect, (well, once perfect), nose!

Remus was holding back James as he tried, in vain, to get back at Sirius. They had forgotten how strong Remus was despite his appearance and now his werewolf strength was coming in handy as he kept a firm hold on his friend.

James was red in the face and his glasses were askew on his nose. There were angry tears filling his hazel eyes and his fist was cut from hitting Sirius so hard.

Peter was holding up a tissue to Sirius' nose so he wouldn't get blood on his mom's carpet while Sirius' head was still spinning.

'This wasn't supposed to go this way.'

"What the hell do you think you're doing Potter!" He yelled at his friend in a nasally voice as he tried not to choke on the blood dripping down his throat.

"I'm trying to kill you, you fucking bastard!"

Everything went quiet and James seemed to know exactly what he had said.

He was a bastard in a sense but nobody brought it up, least of all James.

James stopped struggling and the tears were behind Sirius' eyes instead.

"How could you, Sirius. You betrayed me."

"Go to hell, Potter." Sirius practically whispered.

James became angry again and shouted, "I hate you, Sirius Black! You ruined my life!" He stormed out of the house, the door banging against the wall, and took off down the lane. Remus gave Sirius a sympathetic look and took off after James while Peter stayed to help Sirius clean up.

* * *

Peter stayed inside to fix up the mess in the living room and make lunch while Sirius went outside to be alone. He was sitting under the same willow tree for an hour before he decided to go inside. 

His nose hurt and his head hurt and the back of his throat tasted like blood no matter how many times he gargled. Most of all, his heart hurt.

He had just opened the door to the kitchen a crack when he heard voices.

"…because he did come out and tell you. I think he really likes her, Jamie, and she seems to like him back if they're going out."

"It's just not fair, Remus! I…" James paused, unsure of what he wanted to say.

"James," Remus said, rather sternly. "Do you _really _love Lily or are you angry because you wanted her first?"

Sirius heard glass shatter against a wall and was about to charge in and make sure James hadn't killed Moony when he heard a chair scrape in floor and someone plop down heavily.

"Of course I love her, Moony!"

"I was just making sure, Prongs." Remus said with a placating tone.

James sighed. "She's the one. You just know when this is the one you'll never get over. That you could leave and never see her for twenty years and then come back and know you are still in love with her and everything else is meaningless. I've known since fourth year and I know nothing is going to change that."

"What about Sirius?" Remus asked in a low voice.

"I'm not ready to deal with him, yet. I don't know if I ever will be."

"But he's your best friend." Peter finally put in.

"No." James said, shakily. "I thought he was."

That was it. Sirius couldn't take it anymore. He had to leave.

He went around the house to the front door where he snuck in through the living room and upstairs to get his things. He wrote a quick note to Remus telling him that he was going to stay in Diagon Alley for the remainder of the summer and would see them on the Hogwarts Express.

He snuck back out of the front door and walked a mile down the lane before sticking his wand out and waiting for the Knight Bus.

TBC…

_A/N: I'm beginning to work on a new story called, "Juliet", which will be a Romeo and Juliet story starring the Marauders. It will be different from the story line but I promise it will be interesting. I'll begin posting it once I get a few chapters ahead. Keep reading this story, though, and review! Just two more chapters. _


	4. A Special Place in My Heart

**Chapter Four: A Special Place in My Heart**

Sirius was quite sure that his heart was broken. The only consolation he had was "Lily daydreams" but just thinking about her made his gut wrench with guilt and sorrow.

A whole two weeks had gone by since the incident at Peter's house and school would be starting in a couple of days. Sirius had this feeling like things would never be the same but he wondered if that had to be a bad thing.

After hours of sitting awake and contemplating, he decided that he had fallen into some type of love. He wasn't quite sure which kind but he knew that if he was forced to never see Lily again, he would surly die. (Always one to be melodramatic.) He figured that the next night, he would put his new feelings to the test and decide, once and for all, whether to live happily ever after with the most brilliant girl in existence or sacrifice his feelings for his brother's friendship and happiness. (He already had a feeling he knew which one it would be.)

* * *

"I can't _believe _James punched you! I mean, how egotistical of him to think that he had any sort of ownership over me and who _I _choose to be with!" 

Since Sirius had told her, she couldn't stop going on and on about James and his "egotistical, horribly antagonistic, chauvinist, disloyal, and manly (taken out of context)" treatment of her current date. It had started to get on his nerves until he began to truly listen to what she was saying.

"…and the point is that if he wanted to be with me he should have said something before you did! What does he think? That I'm a mind reader and I can just _tell_ what he's thinking! I practically _failed _divination! And you know better than anyone how many girls James goes out with in one month. It's a new one every week! Even if he did ask me out, which he _only _does as a joke, I would never go out with him because I _know _he would just break my heart!" She finally took a breath and looked at Sirius who had currently pulled the car over after she had stopped ranting.

He had borrowed his Uncle Ted's old Cadillac (seeing as Lily's parents were a little wary about floo powder) and was driving Lily home from Diagon Alley. He decided to pull over for what he was about to say.

"Since when have you started calling him 'James'?" Sirius asked softly.

Lily blinked and then blushed, looking away. "I don't know." She mumbled, at a loss for words, a rare thing for her.

Feeling slightly subdued, Sirius looked at her so that he could explore every part of her beautiful face. He just looked at her, like he was really looking through her, and began to chew on his bottom lip like he did when he was really thinking.

"What is it?" She asked, finally chancing a glance at him.

The corner of his lips turned up and then his mouth was set into that mischievous smile he wore whenever he had a brilliant occurrence. "I'm the rebound guy, aren't I?" The smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Huh?" Lily asked, now honestly confused.

He ran his hands through his hair, almost trying to tear it out.

"You love him! But you're trying not to admit it!" He said this like he was Sherlock Holms and he had just solved the mystery. "I should have seen this coming. I mean, we really tried not to talk about him but now that I've brought him up, you practically can't stop. And you might like me," He said, not looking at her. "Maybe even love me. But not in the way that James Potter makes you feel stir crazy and nuts and wonderful and afraid all at the same time."

Sirius wanted to cry but he decided not to because Lily already looked like she wanted to.

"Sirius, are you breaking up with me?" Lily asked in a broken whisper. He wasn't sure if she was upset because she really liked him or if he had hit too close to home.

He lifted her chin up and tucked a strand of red hair behind her ear. "Sorry Tiger Lily. You'll thank me later."

He let her go and turned the car back on. They drove in silence and when he turned the corner to Lily's house she said in a whisper, "Now that I've gotten to know you and I've decided you aren't such a bad guy," Sirius chuckled a little, "well, I think I'm going to miss not being with you. Now I know why the other guys love being with you so much. I think that is what's breaking my heart the most."

Sirius pulled the car in front of her house and sighed, laying his head on the steering wheel. He refused to look at her and fought the voices in his head instead.

'_Tell her you love her.' _Sirius was startled to know that _this _voice sounded like James.

'Since when have _you _had a change of heart?' Sirius asked the voice back derisively.

'_I love you, Sirius. You need to make _yourself _happy if this is what you really want. And who would know better than I do that she's the best you'll ever come around. If you have her don't let her go.' _

Sirius thought about it and was about to open his mouth to say the words out loud when he heard another voice. It was Remus' voice.

'**Padfoot, follow your heart. Listen to what it's saying. It can be really logical if you give it a chance.' **

This was the one piece of advice he was looking for when he had first talked to Moony about Lily. It was vague but oddly helpful.

So Sirius, thinking he was way beyond schizophrenic and wanting to do the right thing for everyone, closed his eyes again and listened.

'Right now, Sirius old buddy, right now isn't the time. But it'll come. Just speak and the right words will come out.'

"Tiger Lily," Sirius whispered with his eyes still closed and his forehead against the steering wheel. "I'm going to miss you too. The Marauders use to be the most important thing in the world to me. And they still are." Sirius finally looked at her, Lily's green eyes shining with anticipation. "But now so are you. You're always going to be my friend but like any of my _best _friends," Sirius leaned into her and caressed her cheek with his hand, "you will _always _have a special place in my heart."

Sirius kissed her then, not passionately or softly, but thoroughly as to remember everything about her mouth. And when she was properly kissed and she finally gave him a real smile, he walked her to her door and waved to her when she looked out her bedroom window.

So far his heart had been right so he decided to listen to it again and go back to where he was staying in Diagon Alley and play his guitar.

TBC...

_A/N: Only one more chapter to go! I'll tie up all the loose ends in the next chapter which should be posted either tomorrow or by Monday at the lateset. Also, as soon as this story is done, I'll post my new one which should be a lot longer (and a lot better). _


	5. Tiger Lily

**Chapter Five: Tiger Lily**

The last time he had been this nervous boarding the Hogwarts Express had been five years ago when he was only a first year. Except the difference had been that James was with him and had made everything better with his own nervousness. They always kept each other strong.

But now James wasn't with him and the whole reason for his nervousness was the fact that James Potter hadn't spoken to him in about three weeks. Since they were five years old, they had been virtually inseparable. Even when one of them went on vacation, there was always the knowledge that they could find each other if anything were to come up. But not only had he lost Lily's companionship but he had lost James' friendship as well.

The only consolation was that James would forgive him after he told him that he was no longer seeing Lily and that everything was okay.

Sirius walked to the back of the train to the last compartment that the Marauders always occupied and stowed his luggage away. He waited anxiously for his friends to arrive and played with the hem of his Muggle t-shirt, a nervous fidget that Moony always found irritating.

He had been initially hurt when neither Remus nor Peter had bothered to communicate with him. Sirius had not been expecting James to ever talk to him again and he could understand that Peter had his loyalties to James, his first friend. But he had been sure that Remus would write to him to at least know if he was alright. Now he figured they were all on James' side.

The compartment door swung open and James Potter stood there in all his glory, his jet black hair messy as usual and his glasses gleaming with the sun that poured through the compartment window.

He stopped short when he saw Sirius sitting there and glared at him in hostility.

"What are you doing here, _Black_?"

Evidently he hadn't forgiven him.

Sirius took a few calming breaths and said, "Listen James, I'm really sorry for everything that's happened and I want you to know that Lily and I aren't seeing each other anymore. She really cares about you, mate, even if she won't admit it right now, but even if she didn't I still don't think I could go out with her knowing that you feel about her the way you do."

There was a tense silence that filled the compartment as James continued to glare at him.

"And you think this changes everything?" James asked cuttingly.

This was not how it was suppose to go.

"James! I'm not going out with her anymore! She's all yours!" He paused and then said softly, "She's always been yours."

James shook his head and laughed humorlessly. "That's not the point! The point is that you went out on a date with her in the first place _knowing _that I…that I…_like_ her…a lot" James started looking flustered and tried to get his bearings straight. "And you probably snogged her senseless!"

"I didn't mean to fall in love with her!" Sirius practically screamed in James' face.

This time the silence was electrified by both of the boys' trying not to hit the other.

James finally leaned in and hissed in Sirius' face, "I don't need a hand out, Black. Go out with Evans, see if I care. If you _love _her so much than you can have her. But just stay away from _me_." He picked up his trunk again and stormed out of the compartment (as well as you can storm out with a heavy trunk) and Sirius was left alone, fuming and hurt.

A few minutes of sitting there, gazing at nothing, brought another person to the compartment.

Remus Lupin had been standing outside the compartment listening to their conversation the whole time. And when James had stormed out, he had followed to see where he would end up, knowing Sirius wouldn't go anywhere.

But realizing that James would be okay with Peter and the compartment full of 6th year Gryffindors they had sat with, Remus went back to Sirius and resolved to stay with him for the rest of the journey.

He sat there and startled Sirius when he placed his hand on his friend's slumped shoulders.

"Are you alright, Sirius?"

Sirius lowered his eyes and pushed his friend's hand away harshly. "Go away." He whispered.

Remus' hurt amber eyes reflected back with confusion that Sirius didn't see because he refused to look at him. "I'm not going anywhere, Padfoot." Remus said determinedly.

Sirius scooted away from him on the seat. "Just go back to James. We both know that he's your _real _friend."

And for the second time that month, Sirius was punched in the face, landing on the compartment floor holding his cheek.

He looked up at Remus in shock and saw his friend standing like some Greek warrior in all his righteousness. "Stop being an idiot Sirius." Remus said calmly, though by the look in his eyes he was furious. "You know perfectly well that I could never choose one of you over the other and I refuse to do so now. Now sit down and talk to me."

Sirius got up and did as he was told. He sat down next to Remus and talked to him.

"He hates me, Moony. And I miss Lily. And I miss the Marauders." Sirius suddenly laughed sadly. "I always thought women would be the death of us. I was right."

Remus shook his head and put his arm around Sirius' shoulders.

"Padfoot, remember last year when you sent Snape to the Womping Willow?" Sirius practically recoiled when Remus asked that. Remus was always weird when that subject was brought up and there he was speaking about it like he was commenting on the weather. It was the last thing Sirius expected him to say. But he nodded obediently and waited expectantly for Remus to continue. "All the sorry's in the world couldn't make me see your sincerity. It took a bigger _action _of your loyalty for me to see you were truly sorry."

Sirius remembered what he was talking about. He had been desperate to show Remus how sorry he was and had done an act of pure selflessness to show him. He had _sold _his new, beloved broomstick and, with the money, bought Remus a bottle of Wolfsbane Potion, a recent breakthrough for the welfare of werewolves but very expensive and hard to come by. Sirius' broom was one of his most valued and treasured possessions. To sell something he had been so proud of, something he head earned with his own money was incredible enough. But to do so for Remus' benefit was enough to make Remus see that words should have been enough for him.

He had wanted, even begged, for Sirius to give the potion back and buy his broom back. But Sirius refused. He was happy riding the ancient Comet 13 if it meant helping the friend that he had wronged.

The next full moon was the best ever for Remus Lupin and, unbeknownst to Sirius, the rest of the Marauders had already earned enough money together to buy Sirius a new broomstick for Christmas, providing that the Marauders were still together.

"John, chapter 3, verse 18." Remus said thoughtfully.

"Huh?"

"It's a Bible passage. 'Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.'"

"Wow." Sirius said in wonder. "You should quote the Bible more often."

Remus laughed good naturedly. He was always being made fun of for worshipping the Catholic Church so reverently. "I do, Padfoot. It just flies right past you."

They sat in silence for a couple more minutes until Sirius broke the silence.

"So you're saying," Sirius started slowly, "That I have to _show _him how sorry I am?"

"Not only that but you have to be smart about it. Are you sorry for loving Lily?"

Sirius shook his head without thinking. "No."

"Are you sorry for hurting James _and _Lily?"

"Definitely."

"Then kill two birds with one stone."

Sirius sat there with Remus for the better part of their journey thinking this over. When the train was almost there, he nudged Remus with his shoulder and asked, "Do you still have that old acoustic guitar your father gave you a couple of years ago?"

Remus furrowed his eyebrows. "Yes, Padfoot." He was very confused and slightly wary.

"I hope you've been practicing," Sirius said, his eyes glowing in a mischievous smile, "because I have a brilliant idea!"

Remus shook his head. He was glad his friend was smiling again but he was a little afraid of what Sirius wanted him to do. 'Good grief,' Remus thought.

* * *

Two weeks into the new school year went by with James being subdued, Peter being helpless, Lily being melancholy, and Remus and Sirius going to the Room of Requirement a lot to practice. James still refused to speak to Sirius but Sirius had a plan to fix it. He hoped that James and Lily would _both _understand the message so that James wouldn't think he had purposely meant to hurt him and Lily wouldn't think he just used her and that she meant nothing to him.

The evening before his big plan was suppose to be executed, Sirius caught Lily in the halls making their way back to Gryffindor Tower for the night. They walked side by side for a while in silence before Lily said, "I love you, Sirius."

'Horrible timing,' was Sirius' first thought. He stopped and turned to her hesitantly and asked, "Do you really?"

She nodded and smiled meekly.

"Do you love me as much as James?" He had tried not to ask it and every voice that sounded like Remus yelled at him that he still didn't understand. But this had been bothering him for so long that he had to ask it.

Lily did the unexpected thing and remained calm, if a little thoughtful. She cocked her head cutely to the side and pursed her lips together, a little like Professor McGonagall. "Love can't be measured, can it Sirius?"

Sirius blinked at her and asked jokingly, "Have you been talking to Remus lately?"

Lily laughed gently and took his elbow as they continued their trek to Gryffindor Tower. "Remus and I had this discussion last year during a study session in the library. We both came to the conclusion that you can love different people in different ways but neither love is valued higher than another." Then she paused and furrowed her eyebrows in concentration. "Except one."

"What's that?" Sirius asked softly as the silence of the deserted halls echoed pleasantly around them. He was a little terrified to know the answer.

"The love of a mother or father for their child." She replied back with a smile.

Sirius returned the smile down to her and leaned his head against hers'.

"So you love me, then?"

"Yes I do."

"How?"

"Like you're this unexpected laughter that filled my heart."

"And how do you love James?"

Silence.

She whispered with a sad smile, "Like I could live a thousand lives and none of them would be complete if he wasn't there."

She looked up at Sirius expectantly and he was already smiling a very real, very handsome, grin, recalling James' similar words about her. "Excellent." He breathed out the word and already, he was feeling back to his usual self.

There was only one thing more to solve.

* * *

So the morning of his great plan came and Remus mumbled grumpily as they went off to breakfast before everyone else with their guitars, "I don't believe you talked me into this."

"Don't worry, Moony! You're great and this is for all of us. We need the Marauders back together."

Remus sighed and followed Sirius to the Great Hall. No one was there when they arrived so they hid their guitars under the staff table where Dumbledore usually sat and waited for everyone to come to breakfast.

It was their belief that their headmaster knew exactly what was going on in his castle when it concerned their public displays of mischievousness so they weren't too worried when they both stood up after the Great Hall was completely packed and walked up to the staff table and took out their equipment. Remus set down their two goblets and transfigured them into microphones and then stood there waiting for Sirius to begin.

Sirius tapped the microphone and winced as his amplifier protested.

Everyone looked up from their breakfast and expectantly at Sirius, all curious about this disturbance. What did Sirius Black have cooked up for them this time? With hopes that this particular prank wasn't aimed at everyone of the student body, they all watched him apprehensively and curiously as both Sirius and Remus sat in front of the teachers table on stools so that they were elevated above the rest of the students.

Professor McGonagall stood up swiftly to apprehend them before they got a chance to do anything but Dumbledore, with a bright twinkle in his eyes behind his half-mooned spectacles, placed a hand on her arm and bid her to sit down and allow "the dear boys to take care of some business."

Sirius grinned at the best Headmaster Hogwarts had ever seen and turned back to the rest of the students. Gulping, and wondering if this was indeed a good idea, Sirius decided to 'play it cool' and continue with his course of action.

"Okay," he began nonchalantly into the microphone, "over the summer I had this pretty interesting affair with the best girl I'm ever going to meet. And while we didn't fall _in_ love with each other," Sirius looked pointedly at James who quickly looked back down at his plate with a stoic face. "We did become friends. Well, friends with a few benefits." He nearly laughed along with everyone else when he saw James swiftly look at him with wide and horrified eyes. "Anyway, I kind of learned that sometimes you have to look deeper at people and really get to know them and sometimes they surprise you. And I also learned that love could have a lot of different faces." He looked directly at Lily who was blushing sweetly but otherwise meeting his stare with the corner of her lips twitching upwards. "Most importantly, friendship is the most important thing in the world and if you follow your heart then it will never lead you against your friends." He paused again to look at James, who was currently whispering something into Peter's ear. He looked over at Moony who grinned at him. "So I'm going to play and sing a song I wrote for you," some people groaned (having heard him wail a song in the shower in the boys dormitory), "Hey! It won't be bad! I promise! And my associate here," he pointed at Remus, "will accompany me. This song is called Tiger Lily for no apparent reason." He winked and everyone turned to look at Lily who blushed even deeper. "This goes out to my best girl", Lily smiled widely, "and my best friend." James' eyes softened and he allowed a whisper of a smile on his face.

He took a deep breath and began. _A/N: Bold is Sirius, Italic is Remus, both is underlined._

"**We drive tonight  
and you are by my side.  
We're talking about our lives  
like we've known each other forever.  
The time flies by  
with the sound of your voice.  
It's close to paradise  
with the end surely near."**

He closed his eyes and for a moment, he saw Lily's face in front of him, laughing and talking to him like he was the only one in the universe.

**  
"And if I could only stop the car  
and **hold onto you**  
and never let go (**_and never let go_**)  
I'll never let go (**_I'll never let go_**)  
As we round the corner  
to your house  
you **turned to me and said**,  
"I'll be going through withdrawal of you  
for this one night we have spent."'**

Lily's face was interrupted by James' angry words.

"_I hate you Sirius Black! You ruined my life!"_

"_She's the one. You just know when this is the one you'll never get over. That you could leave and never see her for twenty years and then come back and know you are still in love with her and everything else is meaningless." _

"_How could you, Sirius?"_

**  
And I want to speak these words  
but I guess I'll just bite my tongue  
and accept "someday, somehow"  
**as the words that we'll hang from

Sirius knew that what he felt for Lily was love. That as much as he wanted to tell Lily and James that he just had a crush on her and they were just the best of friends now, he just couldn't lie to them. He loved her and wanted her to be his. 

And I (_I..._**), I don't want to **speak these words**.  
Cause I (**_cause I..._I don't want to make things any worse**.  
And I (**_I..._I don't want to speak these words.**  
****Cause I (**cause I...**), I don't want to make things any worse.**

But while he loved her he knew that in twenty years, if he were to leave and come back to see her, she would be married to James Potter with a mess of kids and Sirius would feel a joy in his heart that would overwhelm all the doubts in his mind. 

Why does tonight have to end**?  
Why don't we hit restart  
and pause it at our **favorite parts**.  
We'll skip the goodbyes.  
If I had it my way  
I'd **turn the car around** and runaway,  
just you **and I.

He could hear Moony telling him,

"_There is someone for you that will be just for you, Sirius. And I know that no one will be like Lily to you because no one ever could. But you can have it all, Padfoot."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_You can have Lily's love, James' love, and a love all of your own. Love has many faces, Sirius. What you and Lily have is your love and while it is different than the love that James and Lily has for each other, it loses none of its value. It's just different."_

"_That's kind of confusing, Moony."_

"_Love always is."_

And I (_I..._I don't want to speak these words**.  
Cause I (**_cause I..._**), I don't want to make things any worse.  
And I (**_I..._I don't want to speak these words**  
cause I, I don't want to make things  
and I, I don't want to make things any worse**

Finishing his song, drowning out the applause of the school, who were surprised to know that Sirius _and _Remus really could sing, Sirius thought that it was okay to want something more with Lily. She was, after all, a great girl. But it wasn't for them. He realized that what he really wanted was for his best friends to be happy and for himself to find happiness like they would eventually have. He had faith in that.

They would get together and maybe Sirius _would _come back in twenty years. And he knew that this selflessness would feel just as good in twenty years as it did now.

He smiled broadly at everyone in the Great Hall, at Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall, the latter dabbing her eyes discreetly with her table napkin, and winked at Remus who grinned joyfully back. They transfigured their goblets back and took their guitars away with them, ignoring the gaze of their friends, and going outside where they could be alone for a while. It was Saturday and they intended to find some peace for a while and wait for things to come.

* * *

"Moony?"

"Yeah?"

"This hurts."

"Romans, chapter 12, verse 9 and 10."

"What's that one, Moony?"

Remus smiled consolingly. "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves."

Sirius sighed and muttered, "Stupid Bible. It makes too much sense to ignore."

Remus shook his head and looked off toward the castle from where they were sitting under the willow (the safe willow) by the edge of the forest.

He saw James with his hands in his pockets, his head bowed down, striding towards them and knew that it was time to make his leave.

"I'm going to leave you with one more." Remus said standing up.

"What's that?"

"'Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble.' John, chapter 2, verse 10. You did what your heart told you was right and I personally believe that the same voice comes from somewhere we may never understand. You can call it intuition or instinct. But I call them angels."

Sirius watched Remus walk away and put his hand briefly on James' shoulder as he past him. He wondered vaguely whether he would blur and disappear or whether he would show his wings and fly away. Sirius was sure that Remus, "dark creature" that he was suppose to be, was his angel.

The next thing he knew, James was sitting next to him, his legs drawn up to his chest and his chin resting on his knees.

"Prongs?" Sirius tried warily when it looked like James wasn't going to speak.

"Yes, Padfoot?" James replied tiredly.

"Do you forgive me?"

James shook his head and Sirius fought for control over his emotions when his eyes filled up with tears of loss.

Again, James shook his head and looked out towards the lake sighing and said, "There's nothing to forgive, Sirius. If anything, I should be asking for _your _apology."

Sirius let out a shaky breath and said, ever so articulate, "Huh?"

"I was very unfair, Sirius. I was just angry and confused and I felt betrayed. But I know we can't help our emotions. Otherwise I never would have fallen for Lily of all people." James smiled wistfully. Then he gave a thoughtful look to Sirius. "Did you mean what you said? About loving Lily?"

Sirius nodded a little and then ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "Yeah, but this…well…this is what I can't explain. Not even to myself. I just…I _know _for certain that we would make a great couple but we wouldn't be _the _couple. You know? Like, the same something inside of you that told you that falling in love and being with Tiger Lily was the right thing is the same thing telling me that I love her but we're just not meant for each other. I've always believed in signs and following my instincts, right? So this is one of those moments. Maybe in a few years I'll realize that I love Tiger Lily like a sister but for now, all I know is that I love her and I love you and that's what's most important. Just love." Sirius paused and took a breath. "Remus said that I should be waiting for a greater love. A great love like you and Lily are going to have someday." Sirius laughed softly and leaned forward, looking down. He said just as softly, "He believes in angels."

James smiled brightly and said, "So do I."

They sat there in companionable silence; relishing the comfort they took in knowing they would always be friends.

Then James got this curious look on his face and asked, "What's with you calling her Tiger Lily, Sirius?"

Sirius was pensive for awhile and finally replied, "You know those water Lilies on the pond?" James nodded. "She's way too loud to be one of those." James laughed but his laughter subsided when Sirius still looked pensive. He raised his eyebrow at him, much like Remus did, so Sirius shared his thought with him. "You know how simple words sometimes have bigger meanings? Like names do?" Again, James nodded. "I think her nickname just means that she's different and special and that so many people care about her. Doesn't necessarily mean anything but … 'love.' Just love, James." He put his chin in his hands and said, "I've been deprived of it for so long that now I think those angels are making up for it in different doses."

"Just love Sirius?"

"Yup."

"Alright, just love."

"It doesn't matter if it's brotherly love, romantic love, or love for a son or a friend. Because if Lily has taught me one thing, it's that love is just love. Period."

"Padfoot?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for loving me."

"AWWW!"

SMOOCH!

"EW! SIRIUS! You didn't have to kiss me!"

"I know! I just wanted to say thanks for loving me too."

Silence.

"Let's go thank Remus too!"

"I think Padfoot would like to give Remus doggy kisses for helping him out!"

"You're gross."

"Woof."

James ran after a big, black, dog and he wondered whether it was safe for his friend to run around in his animagus form.

He shrugged his shoulders and figured they would take a shortcut to their dorm room. He smiled contently and resolved to pray, every night, for Sirius to find a love as great as the one he would have in the future, as long as he played his cards right.

He wondered how lucky he was to have friends as good as gold; as good as brothers. And remembered something Remus had told him one time.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

'Tiger Lily,' was his last thought before he entered the castle in search of his friends.

THE END

_A/N: Some people might not understand this concept of love or the whole Tiger Lily thing but I liked it (and I'm Queen of the Universe…well…not really but I can dream!) This story line might have been a little off its plot at times but I like all the dynamics of the characters (except for one Peter Pettigrew who just snored and whined in this fic. Poor guy. People just don't like him, even if he's not a traitor yet.) Anyway, I hope you liked it even if it was a little off and hopefully I'll be posting my new story (which will be infinitely better) in a couple of days. Also, if some of you didn't like the Catholic references or the Bible references then I hope I didn't offend you (I'm Catholic) but I thought that might make Remus' character a little more interesting. No Flames! I'm very proud of my religion and think it should have its place in MY HP world so it can better reflect myself as a writer. Also, some weird Catholics (like my uncle) are saying this stuff is devil writing and I would like to address that by saying…some people are losers. _

_On a sad note, I would also like to send out my prayers and good wishes to all those who were affected by the terrorist attacks in London. I pray we might someday have peace in the world and that this kind of tragedy never happens again. _

_Peace and good wishes! C.Q._


End file.
